Find Myself In You
by SereneCalamity
Summary: Bellamy hadn't been looking for a new family when he found one. And he hadn't been looking for love when he had found Clarke. Bellarke. Oneshot.


**We've got another Bellarke story , because they're just too beautiful. I apologize for any mistakes. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. **

Clarke Griffin was a...Surprise.

She wasn't someone that Bellamy Blake had been looking for when he had gone into the bar at the end of his new block.

He had moved to Los Angeles to get away from the craziness that had been his life in New York with his mother and his sister. He knew that he should have gotten away a long time ago, his best friend Raven Reyes kept trying to tell him that he couldn't save someone who didn't want to be saved and it wasn't his job to raise his sister. Her urgings had always fallen on deaf ears, because he was still trying to clean up his alcoholic mother and tame his out of control sister, both of them the most important women in his life. He couldn't stop the feeling of responsibility that had always been the backbone of his personality, and it wasn't until his mother had cleaned out his bank account _again_ to run off with her dead beat boyfriend, and Octavia Blake had screamed at him that she was an adult and he wasn't her father _again_ before disappearing with her _own_ dead beat boyfriend, that Bellamy had finally listened.

Bellamy had packed up and moved out, deciding that he might as well go big, and he had moved right out of the city. Raven had moved out of New York and to Los Angeles nearly four years ago, after a bad break up with a guy that Bellamy had never liked, Finn Collins, and it felt _so good_ to be able to see her face to face on a weekly basis, rather their Skype sessions and phone calls.

And then there was Clarke.

Bellamy lived with Raven for about a month, which definitely cramped her sex life with Miles Shaw, but she only complained every second day, and it was always lovingly. It was easy to find a job as a qualified brick layer, and it wasn't too hard to build up his bank balance again—with a new bank and all new passwords—and get a deposit for a little apartment. It wasn't as nice as Raven's place, but it was nicer than where he had lived in New York, so he was happy. It was his second weekend there that he ventured down the street to the corner where he had seen a bar on his way to and from work each day.

There had been a guy with floppy hair and a wicked smirk who had served him, who Bellamy later found out was named John Murphy, and it was getting close to nine o'clock when a blonde came sweeping in, shrugging out of the leather jacket she was wearing and carefully tucking a motorbike helmet underneath the counter before slipping into the bartender life easily. The regulars obviously adored her and she bantered with them easily, and when she got down to the bar and saw what he was drinking, she seemed to read quickly that he didn't want to talk, so she just got out another beer from the fridge and held it up to him a small smile.

Bellamy had nodded and she had taken his empty bottle, snapping off the lid and sliding the bottle across the counter top before moving on.

The bar was reasonably small, especially compared to the ones that Bellamy used to frequent in New York, but it had a nice feel to it, and most of the people seemed to know each other, so it had a familiar, comforting atmosphere.

Bellamy kept going back.

It was only once or twice a week, but he kept going back.

There was Murphy who worked most nights a week and was doing a mechanical engineering apprenticeship through the day that didn't pay all that well, which is why he had a second job. There was Monty Green who only worked the Monday and Tuesday evening to bring in some extra money to help around the house, because he was a stay-at-home dad while his partner worked full time, looking after their son Jordan Green. There was Wells Jaha, who was pretty quiet compared to the others there, but he seemed to work most days, doing the opening shift from three o'clock, sometimes by himself. There was Maya Vie, who was also pretty quiet, but very sweet, and she seemed to have something going with Monty's best friend, Jasper Jordan. There was Emori D'Oliveira, who was Murphy's girlfriend, and who was also studying through the day, to be a vet nurse.

And then there was Clarke.

Clarke owned the bar, _Arkadia_, she had inherited it from her father when he had passed away a few years ago. She worked most nights, although not Sundays, because on Sundays, she spent the full day and night with Madi Griffin, a young orphan girl that Clarke's mother and new partner had taken in. Clarke was absolutely in love with the little girl, and when Madi had come into the bar a few times to see her big sister, it was obvious that the adoration was mutual. Clarke worked three days a week as a nurse at a public hospital, and it was clear that she had a big heart, from the way she treated her staff—who were like her second family—and the patrons who came in.

Bellamy fell in love with her, just a little bit, just a little quickly.

Within a few weeks, Raven insisted on coming to _Arkadia_ to check out the girl that Bellamy was mooning over. It turned out that she had actually gone to school with Murphy, they hadn't been particularly close but they had known each other, and they seemed to hit it off. Which meant that Raven now came to the bar every time Bellamy went, and it also meant that instead of sitting at the end of the bar and quietly observing the place, like he had been doing, he was being thrust into the middle of conversation with them.

Murphy was funny in a snarky way and Emori definitely kept him in line, but it was clear that it was Clarke who was the official 'mum' of their group. She was fun and sweet and while she kept them all in line as their boss, she was also relaxed and happy to let them do their thing as long as the drinks were being poured and their customers were being served.

It was about three months after he had started coming to the bar that he actually saw Clarke outside of it. Raven had been hanging out with them quite a bit since being re-introduced to Murphy and welcomed into their little family, but Bellamy worked a lot, and he also didn't know if he was ready to get invested into _another_ family. So he had kept his distance when Murphy had asked if he wanted to go to the beach with them, or when Monty had said they were going to the movies, or when Wells mentioned they were going to get together for brunch.

But it was _Clarke_ who invited him, and it wasn't the first time that she had talked to him or anything, but he couldn't help if he still felt a little giddy when she touched his wrist gently and directed her pretty smile right at him.

It was Madi's birthday, so it was at Clarke's mother and her partners house, and there were a lot of people there. Bellamy hadn't realized just_ how much_ of a family gathering this was, he had just blindly said yes when Clarke had invited him, but now that he was here, he was regretting it. Clarke was busy most of the afternoon, doting over her little sister, making sure there were enough food and drinks for both the teenagers and the adults, asking everyone if they needed anything.

She couldn't switch her nurturing side off, and Bellamy could appreciate that—he could definitely related to it.

It was lucky that the rest of the gang from the bar were invited as well, so Bellamy stuck close to them, not participating in the conversations all that much, but at least he was with a group that he knew, so that he wasn't awkwardly there by himself. It was later in the day, around five o'clock, when people were starting to head home, that Clarke finally came over to Bellamy.

"Hey," she murmured, nudging him with her elbow and giving him a small, gentle smile.

"Hi," Bellamy replied, swallowing hard, hearing his throat click.

"Thank you for coming—sorry I've been busy pretty much the whole time," Clarke apologized as she sat down on one of the plastic seats next to Bellamy, resting her elbows on the arms and letting out a heavy sigh.

"No, no, th—that's fine," Bellamy quickly assured her, because he didn't expect to have her attention, _especially_ once he realized that it was this big event.

"But I was thinking that we could go out and get a drink?" She continued. Bellamy blinked at her and then glanced around, because most people had already left.

"Uh...Just us?" Bellamy asked, feeling a little confused.

"Just us," Clarke smiled widely back. He didn't respond for a few beats and Clarke quirked an eyebrow, her blue eyes glinting at him playfully. "Is there a problem with that?"

"No, no!" Bellamy quickly said, shaking his head. "None at all!" She giggled and grinned, running her fingers through her blonde hair, which had pretty much all fallen out of the braid that she had tamed it into this morning.

They left not long after, and Bellamy had a really, _really_ good time.

It just felt so completely different from everyone else that he hung out with.

Raven was such a good friend, his best friend, and she only ever wanted the best for him. She had always been right there at his side, when he had needed to vent about his mum and his sister, when he needed to get everything out that had been weighing on his shoulders, and even when she had moved, she was only a call away. She hated the way that his mother and sister treated him, and she never made a secret of it, and even though it always felt good to have someone completely and utterly on his side, she had never really understood why he felt the obligation to both of them. She'd had a really good family life, with parents who adored and supported her, and she just didn't get why he let himself get walked all over if they just kept on letting him down.

Clarke seemed to understand.

She seemed to get it.

And she also seemed to understand that he didn't want to throw his mum and his sister under the bus, he didn't want to trash talk them and make them the villain, just someone to...Sympathize with him, he guessed. It was hard for someone who wasn't in his position to understand the thin line, but Clarke seemed to.

The first time that they had drinks, Bellamy got so drunk that he actually didn't remember the rest of the night. He woke up on a couch in a room that he didn't recognize and a headache that was so bad he nearly passed out again. The second time they hung out, just the two of them, they steered clear of alcohol, heading to the beach instead, to watch the sunset. The third time they went out alone, they went for dinner at a burger and milkshake place that Clarke had apparently been going to since she was a kid.

And then Bellamy sort of lost track.

He started accepting invites to hang out with the rest of her group as well, although he was still hesitant to begin with, not going every time they asked, but a handful, the events becoming more and more as time went on.

Clarke never pushed him.

She understood when he shook his head and said he was busy, even thought they all knew that he wasn't, he just wanted to have some space.

She also understood when he sometimes just showed up at her place or rang her at weird hours of the day and night because he wanted to talk.

She never pulled him up on his weird moods, when sometimes he just wanted to sit with _someone_ and not talk, just watch TV, although there had been that time where he had actually been in a _bad_ mood and she hadn't had any problems with flicking his ear and telling him to pull his head out of his ass. Which Bellamy _needed_. It was one thing to just need quiet when he was dealing with things, but it was a whole other thing to take it out on people around him, and he liked that Clarke was comfortable enough with him that she could pull him up on it.

Bellamy just felt...He felt like he could be himself with her.

Completely.

With Raven, he would sometimes hold things back, things about his family, because of how worked up she would get on _his_ behalf, and he didn't want that. And then with everyone else...He just didn't know them well enough to share things.

But with Clarke...It worked.

And it worked for the good things as well, like when he actually felt _so good_ about his life that he was a bit goofy, and he wanted to go to the markets and buy so much food he felt like throwing up afterwards and he brought these plastic red sunglasses where the frames were the shapes of stars and he refused to take them off for the rest of the day. Clarke gorged herself in food right along with him, and she got plastic blue sunglasses where the frames were obnoxiously huge love hearts.

That was the first day that he had kissed her.

They had been eating ice cream—even though they had already had hot dogs, waffles, nachos and hot chips—and sitting in the sand, watching the waves roll in, and Clarke was leaning back on one arm while the other was holding her ice cream. Her blonde hair was twisted in braids around her head that were falling out and laying around her face and neck and it looked beautiful.

Bellamy had leaned over and kissed her and she had tasted like orange chocolate chip and it had mingled together on his tongue with his boysenberry ice cream, and it was the best thing that Bellamy had ever tasted and Clarke's lips were the softest things that he had ever felt and he never wanted to pull away. When he finally did, Clarke's eyes were still shut, her eyelashes kissing her cheeks, and Bellamy couldn't resist leaning in and dropping one last kiss to the tip of her nose and Clarke giggled as she opened her eyes and looked up at him, those big blues all soft and sweet.

Things just felt _right_ when he was with her.

He felt lighter and younger when he was with her, probably just more his actual age, given he had always felt as though he was twenty years older.

And that showed, when he was with his new group of friends, when he was at his new job—even when Octavia called him, wanting to rant about the latest problem with her boyfriend and then asking if she could transfer her some money so that she could come out and see with him. And by see, she undoubtedly meant _move in_ with him. Raven had been with him at the time, and she had gone off about it, saying that Octavia needed to grow up and she couldn't just expect her brother to keep bailing her out. Bellamy felt his body beginning to tighten up and his mind close down, but Clarke had come over after she finished work and climbed into bed with him, stroking her fingers down his back and kissing his shoulder.

"You do what you need to do, and I will back you up," Clarke whispered to him. "If you say no to her, and you feel as though you're going to regret that later on, then you say yes. If you say yes, and you feel as though you're not going to be able to deal with that, then you say no. But whatever _you choose_, I will back you up...And _I'll_ take care Raven," she added with a slightly sharper tone. "I'll get her to settle down." Bellamy couldn't help but laugh a little at that, even feeling as heavy as he did.

If Bellamy said no to Octavia, and something happened to her, then he would never forgive himself.

If Bellamy said yes to Octavia, and she moved in with him permanently, he would just feel himself sliding back into where he had before.

So he compromised.

He compromised, and it felt right, it felt like the best decision—even if Raven didn't totally agree.

And he believed that that was thanks to Clarke, and the way that she made him feel, and the way that she made him trust himself.

So he paid for a plane ticket for Octavia to fly out and to move in with him, but it was only on the condition that she found a job and paid her way. And until she found a job of her choosing, then she was going to work with Clarke, which the blonde absolutely insisted on. Bellamy had been nervous at first, but Clarke had reassured him that it would be fine, she needed an extra hand around the bar, and if she couldn't handle the pressure of behind front of house, then they could always use to someone to help at the end of the night with cleaning everything up.

It went well.

_Surprisingly_ well.

Maybe it was the fact that Bellamy had actually laid down his expectations and his rules right from the start, but things actually went pretty smoothly.

There were a couple of things, like there always would be—Octavia staying out all hours and sometimes bringing back guys to the house and being _way_ too loud with them, and leaving her clothes around the house and dirty dishes on the table and benches, but they were things they could work through. She wasn't asking him for money and she wasn't disappearing for days on end, making him loose sleep worrying.

But overall, Bellamy felt a whole lot better.

"You good?" Clarke murmured, nudging him with her elbow. They were sitting in her bar—_all_ of them were in the bar, this whole new family that Bellamy had become a part of, and Octavia as well—and eating food that Monty and Harper McIntyre had brought from a burger bar down the road from their house. The bar was closed for another few hours and they had all decided on a get together in the middle of the day since it had been a while since they had shared a meal.

By a while, it had only been two weeks, because this group all just gravitated toward one another—which was something that Bellamy counted himself _so lucky_ to be apart of.

And one that _Octavia_ was becoming a part of, because she got on well with Monty and Jordan, and even Raven was managing to keep her glaring to a minimum. Clarke had kept true to that comment she had made to Bellamy after Octavia's original phone call, and she had spoken with Raven, although Bellamy hadn't known exactly was said, Raven was making an effort not to be too critical of Octavia.

"Yeah," Bellamy replied, giving her a small but very sincere smile, his eyes warm and his face open and happy. "I'm really good." Clarke smiled wide, her cheeks dimpling adorably and her eyes shining, and Bellamy couldn't stop himself from leaning in and kissing her, tasting the sugar on her lips from the doughnut that she had just finished. He pulled back and leaned his forehead against hers.

There was a wolf whistle from the group and then a scattering of laughs.

Bellamy didn't pay any attention to them, grinning and leaning forward to kiss her again.

**Let me know what you think x**


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